"So when it came to the boys, I had no regrets. If I hadn't trusted my instincts I would've missed out on some amazing, and incredibly painful, experiences -- experiences that made me who I am, and paved the way for who I'd be. Good, bad or ugly -- I was going to go with my gut. If a do-over wasn't an option..
..maybe a start-over was."
-Jenna Hamilton, AwkwardS02E11
I have a confession to make. I am a huge hopeless romantic. I love watching romantic movies no matter how cheesy they are. Can you blame me? I am a sucker for happy endings! I was a fan of the series Awkward. In fact, I even managed to finish its second season in just a few nights despite how busy my schedule back then was.
I particularly liked Awkward Season 2 Episode 11. There's just something uplifting in the episode* - the one quoted above.
*Episode 11 revolved around Jenna thinking about what if she can do-over everything that has happened between her and Matty, as well as her and Jake, through writing fiction on her blog. The big Q was: Would she still act the way she actually did? At first, the answer was: NO. Jenna totes imagined that she would do everything differently. But in the end, Jenna realized that a do-over sometimes is worse than reality and she'd rather not have life any other way. The episode concluded with the above-quoted statement.
..which made me wonder a li'l bit. What if I can do-over things? Will I still choose to do the same things I did?
Well, I'd say: YES. I'll still do the same things. I agree with Jenna's statement. All those that happened -- may it be the good, the bad or the ugly -- led me to who I am today. Sounds so melodramatic but she has a point. It's true. And since Jenna was talking about love, the next hugot will be in the same context. (Hehe, late bloomer alert!)
With - and because of - it, you learn to be selfless..to put someone else's happiness before yours. It makes you do things you never thought you could do, or ever would. It puts butterflies in your tummy, makes your mind go nuts, and lets you be as corny and cheesy as you can be!
Especially when you find yourself crossing oceans for someone who won't even jump puddles for you. Or someone who thought of trying to or says he/she's going to, but never actually did. Or actually tried, but you know, not-so-good things happened. But you're still there - trying to make it work, trying to understand everything only to find yourself at the losing end. (Sorry, too much drama! Let's talk about more hugot's some other time.)
HOWEVER, like what I always tell those who seek for my advice (I am in no way an expert about love, I don't know why people ask for my opinion about it! HAHAHA. 🤣 Maybe, sometimes, people need a bit of hope from hopeless romantics like me?),
And through it we become STRONG.
Let me tell you something. I used to believe in fairytales..
And I don't blame Disney for it. It's just hard not to believe in happy-ever-after's when you grew up in a fantastic and complete, amazing family -- my parents has just celebrated their 29th wedding anniversary December last year, thank God we don't have any case of sibling (or whatevs-kind-of-) rivalry, we have annual family reunions at our resthouse in the province, we're close even to our cousins' cousins! What more can I say? We're just the close-knit type!
..until I got my first major heartbreak.
Sure when you're down and lonely you can't help but question everything - even the fairytales you used to believe in.
To make matters worse, you also start second-guessing not only your decisions, but also yourself as a person.
Did I do something wrong?
Am I not worth it?
What's wrong with me?
Am I not enough? ... (insert Liza!)
..the list goes on.
I'd say a heartbreak is a huge damage to anyone's self-esteem. You suddenly become insecure. It eats your positive outlook in life. But thank God it can only last for a while. Well, depending on you. In my case, everytime I am reminded of how amazing my family (and set of friends) is and how much they love me, my faith in true, unconditional, everlasting love is restored.
I still believe in fairytales, in happy-ever-after's. In fact, I never should have doubted it at all. Because, now, everything is crystal clear. It makes perfect sense. Something that has ended just means that that is not (yet) your fairytale -- for if something good didn't last, it's just because something great is bound to happen.
All you have to have is faith.
And the courage to let go of the pain and to start over with all the things you have learned.
..and maybe some more dose of a Disney movie.
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