It was the longest fifteen minutes of my life.
Everything he was saying seemed merely like words being thrown randomly. I was at a loss.
"Okay na, Raessy?"
"Yes sir," I replied with a huge grin.
I lied.
One, I didn't understand a single thing during that meeting. I just nodded and smiled the entire time. Two, no, I wasn't okay at all. And three, that grin was completely the opposite of what I was feeling inside.
I thought to myself, "So this is what heartbreak feels like." I could almost feel my chest literally burning up and breaking into a million fragments slowly. I wanted to cry. But I was at work and I couldn't - shouldn't - break down. That was one of the days it seemed like every second was taking forever to pass by. I couldn't wait for 5PM to come.
Until it did, finally. I went straight to gym and worked the feels out. I tortured myself on the treadmill that night. I couldn't remember running as intensely before. I lifted weights which, back then, was totally new to my routine. I did extra rounds of bodyweight exercises at the studio. Then I went home and had a good, long cry. Gosh, the pain was unimaginable! I was calling out to heavens - I just really, really, really wanted to sleep and forget. To not remember anything.
Ever again.
That was then.
Now here I am. That was nearly a year ago and I'm more than ecstatic! Reliving the moment stung a little (like how bad memories always do!) but more than anything, I am just cringing as I type every word. This entry aims to share how to cope, bounce back better and get your mojo back.
And here you are. Did the title of the entry spark your interest? I suppose you needed a tip? Do you badly need someone who can relate to you? I hope reading this entry somehow helps! I've been there and I know how therapeutic it can be when there's someone willing to listen (no matter how repetitive you are already), and to know that you're not the only one experiencing the heartache. Trust me, there will come a point when you don't want to talk about it anymore - it just gets exhausting! But while you're not there yet, just take it easy. Take each day as it comes, and feel free to read this entry over and over again if you feel like it!
Moving on.. (Yeah? Gets?)
There was a point when I used to get surprised every time I was getting messages asking about how I was doing since I looked so happy already; TBH I personally wasn't sure how I was faring. They usually asked,
I ain't an expert but I'm willing to share whatever I can. I found it true that helping others heal can also heal you. I talked to my friends going through the same ordeal a lot. We were helping one another. (That's what friends are for!) It really is important to have a solid support system in times like this. Just a bit of info, my personality type is ENFJ "The Protagonist". According to 16personalities.com,
ENFJs love to inspire people they care about to become better themselves and will do anything to the best of their abilities to help them be. Hence,
and this blog and all the unsolicited pieces of advice put in here!
I believe there is no exact formula to be okay again. Pain tolerance and coping abilities differ from one person to another. Below are ten things which helped me get my mojo back.
1. Go to the gym.
I had one mantra after heartbreak and that was: TURN PAIN INTO POWER. I was able to change my gym habits from 4x a month to 4x a week! Our body releases the so-called happy hormones (endorphins) when we exercise. Endorphins interact with receptors in our brain that reduce our perception of pain which, in effect, gives us a positive feeling in the body. (Wuht, that's how in pain I was? Imagine!?)
2. Pick a person/s for a tell-all session.
I cannot overemphasize the importance of having someone or a few people who are willing to listen to everything you have to say. People who understand that you don't need bits of advice yet but are nonetheless willing to comfort you with the fact that they're just there no matter what happens, no matter how many times you've enumerated every minute detail of the story already!
You just need to let everything out before it consumes you. Having a support system will help you keep your sanity intact.
3. Get in touch with your friends.
It is time to spend time with people you unconsciously severed ties with because you're too caught up in your relationship. They'll welcome you with open arms!
4. Do things alone.
It is time to reconnect with yourself! Give yourself full attention. Treat yourself to a fancy dinner. Pamper yourself. Go watch that movie you've been wanting to see. Run errands alone. Through these, you'll feel empowered and gain your confidence back. I know it's not easy at first but you have to start somewhere. Slowly, but surely! You'll get there.
5. Write it out.
Jot it down on paper. Make notes on your phone. Start a blog (you can opt to make it private). You need an outlet to let all the negative emotions out of your system. If you want, write it on paper and burn it afterward! ;)
6. Meet new people.
Give yourself a week or two of pity party, okay. Or fine, a month or two! But don't be afraid to face the world again. I know how heartbreak can damage your self-esteem but c'mon, you can't be that way forever! Be a social butterfly, or at least try. In this way, you will be reminded how interesting you can be to other people and you will be reminded that the world is so big! For sure God has something (and someone) in store for you in the vastness of the universe.
7. Say YES to new opportunities.
Being able to try new things and actually survive or succeed will give you a sense of self-empowerment and added confidence that, "HEY, I AM A GREAT HUMAN BEING!"
8. Go out and travel.
Where do broken hearts go? Baguio? Sagada? Korea? Indonesia?
Take a trip to find yourself. Get to know more about you.
9. Cry if you feel like it.
All I can say is that moving on is, unfortunately, not a linear process. There are times when you'll feel totally okay but the next day you'll relapse. Then suddenly feel okay again. It's part of the process. Just don't be afraid of feeling bad. You have to acknowledge everything you're feeling for all of those are real. Those feelings make you human. Those make you feel alive. Cry if you want to, but be sure to pick yourself up. Look at yourself in the mirror. The last thing you want is to boost his/her ego by seeing you so devastated. After all, this is just a phase. You'll be okay before you know it! ;)
10. Love yourself.
If you look at it, this is actually the best time and excuse to be selfish for a while. The love removed from you is not love wasted for it will come back to you a hundredfold. But first, you have to learn that loving yourself is essential to know the love you truly deserve. This will teach you not to settle for love given in convenience.
I have a favorite quote from Ms. Jodi Sta. Maria:
"We should never apologize for having high standards in love, because the right man, or the man who really wants to be in your life will rise up to meet those standards."
By all means, do everything that you can to make yourself feel better. You are an amazing person. Don't let your heartbreak get in the way of where you are destined to be. This is just a phase. This dark time - like all relationships that aren't meant to be - too, shall pass.
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