12 Things Relationships Taught Me

It's been a while since I last posted.

I was clearing out my files when I stumbled upon a folder of unpublished notes I had from two years ago. I reread them and thought why not share with y'all? These were written coming out of a relationship with the aim to turn pain into power.

#1 It’s not always rainbows and butterflies.

It’s not always a happy adventure, you can trip once or twice (or even more) over a rock and land on the dirt.

#2 The first may not be the last.

Lucky are those who had love figured out the first time. Or those who’ve met The One at their first try.

#3 Loving yourself is more important than loving anyone else.

Put this on third for it is my favorite number, hence the most important learning of all. Yourself comes first might sound selfish but loving yourself is essential as when all else fails (you’ll never know), all you have is yourself to pick all the shattered pieces up and create something more beautiful.

#4 You’re only just as happy as you allow yourself to be.

Eleanor Roosevelt was right when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Sometimes we're unhappy because we let other people let us down. If it goes down this road, it's very unhealthy. Remember that happiness is a choice (so is forever), if you're unhappy make ways to address where the unhappiness is coming from. #deep

#5 Pride and relationship do not make a good mix.

Like what these quotes I stumbled upon say, “Most relationships fail because couples fight with pride more than they work with love.”

“If they’re holding onto their pride, their ego and their excuses instead of holding onto you, it’s time to let go.”

#6 Overcompensating is never a good thing.

It makes your love one-sided. Compromise is key. Don’t try harder, make way to let your partner give his/her fair share.

#7 You are worth more than you think.

Do not depend your worth based on the actions of your partner. If he doesn’t treat you like his Queen, he’s not worth being your King.

#8 Action speaks louder than words.

He can go on and on with his figurative tongue telling you how much he cares, he loves and misses you but if he truly does, he will never see you when and where he’s convenient. There’s a difference between having time and making time for you, ladies.

#9 Do not depend on the one good thing he does every week.

He’ll meet you on his free time but he’ll never free his time for you. Don’t make excuses for him.

#10 It’s okay to let him know how you think you should be treated.

If there’s one thing I regret is that I am afraid of calling him out whenever I don’t want what he does. Doing so just tolerated him treating me badly.

#11 Misunderstandings make your relationship stronger.

Don’t lose your voice because of your fear to lose your partner. Sometimes it will come as a surprise that letting him/her know your thoughts helps resolve issues faster. Communication is key. Your thoughts always matter, just know how to deliver it with love and intent to be understood rather than accuse. (Now if your partner doesn’t know how to listen, that’s another story.)

#12 It’s okay to let go of your first love.

Sometimes the idea of "I want the first to be my last" comes to mind (especially to all those late bloomers like me!). I know being in a relationship the first time felt like it was going to last forever. You’ve planned your wedding and checked some houses for the future. You’ve already got names for your babies. You’re in good terms with your supposedly future in-laws. But somehow the relationship ended and it seems so hard to let go of all of these. Accept that some things are just not meant to be; maybe the relationship was just meant to teach you a lesson.

Make peace with the idea that the lessons you learned from your first love are the ones you'll keep forever, not the person. In time, you'll thank Universe that it went the way it did. 

Maybe he was just not the right man yet. Maybe he was just sent your way to prepare you for The One. It’s okay to let go of your first love to make room for the next love, and maybe (hopefully) your real forever love.

Relationships come and go. It's okay not to be okay when a relationship ends; give yourself time to heal. But make sure that you actively help yourself get up from the fall -- it doesn't matter how long, what matters is you're doing it! One step at a time, one day at a time. Trust me, before you know it, you're already done!

Hope these help.