It's been months, I honestly do not know where my strength comes from when it comes to dealing with a relationship that has unexpectedly become so toxic due to distance, lack of communication and imbalance in efforts. For others - maybe you included - there's a trivial solution to this problem and that is to just let go. But if you're in the situation, you would know that that's something easier said than done.
So why do we like holding on to something that causes pain and suffering?
Maybe, for me, I still believe that it will get better. When this sh!t of a pandemic suddenly struck and you and your partner is forced to deal with it separately for months, and you realize that this is something unusual than what you were used to, you would begin to think that this is just a phase. And that it will still get better. That maybe, hopefully, when we start seeing each other again and get to bond in person like we used to, the dynamics of the relationship will eventually change for the better.
It can also be that we are not in a good state individually, mentally. All the misunderstandings that are still unresolved left wounds that would not heal properly. As a result, we are living with unconscious hostility and resentment to each other and I, personally, live in a continued state of doubt and paranoia.
What I'm doing now is give all the best I can, lay everything I want resolved on the table - issues, observations, frustrations, communicate how I feel so I will not have any regrets in the future. Better an oops than a what if, right?
Do I think everything will get better in time?
I don't know, but maybe.
Hopefully.
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